“Happiness is beneficial for the body, but it is grief that develops the powers of the mind.”
— MARCEL PROUST
When I wake up tomorrow it will have been 9 years since I lost my best friend, my better self, my daughter. For 108 months I have experienced every conceivable (and inconceivable) emotion that grief has infused in me. At times, my body still succumbs to the exhaustion of grieving, and my mind’s ability to function can unexpectedly fail me. Yet as I navigate the inevitable tsunami of grief that arrives with each milestone, I must acknowledge that I am also happy. Extremely happy, in fact. My son has found the love of his life. My husband never gives up on me and remains my biggest fan. My home is my refuge. My friends are steadfast (and fun as hell). All the while my mind has kept pace, knowing how to measure out the immense grief that never lessens. My mind is strong, and it is smart. (Hell, I can even do almost all the NYT crosswords – even Saturday’s!). So tomorrow, when I wake up to the horror of another year without my daughter, I will grieve, knowing that the deepest grief can exist within my happy, powerful self.
